Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
