I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
