Nicole vs. Life
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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