i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
