thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I think a kid would responsible me up
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
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