I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
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