was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Who died my cat blue again?
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize