respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Randomize
