the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
Well I just put wine in my tea
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
