Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
