There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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