that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
Randomize
