We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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