You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
