this beer tastes like vomit already
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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