He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
People with herpes should wear stickers.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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