I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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