Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
So our trip to Disney World ended in the three of us stripping at a gay club in orlando.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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