My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Randomize
