my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
