There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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