By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
