You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize