So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Randomize
