I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I think weed is turning my hair brown
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
