Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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