ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
