We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I'm determined to sit on that face.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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