I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
Four minutes until I can fart!
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
