he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Randomize
