I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
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