i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
Randomize
