She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Randomize
