I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
