Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
