Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
