just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
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