I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
