All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
