is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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