I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
Drinking gin at a party, riding a giant inflatable walrus all around the living room.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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