I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Randomize
