I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
