the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I believe in your delicious
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
