Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
