can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
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