i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
