the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
