Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
only you would photoshop your dick
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
