You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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