Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
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