I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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