and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
She just used a chaser for red wine.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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