my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
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