thus making me awesome and them whores
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Randomize
