i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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