Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
