she smelled like a LAN party
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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