when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
