I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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