I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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