Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
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