i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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