I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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