how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
