I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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