he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
