Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
