Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
