wakey wakey hands off snakey
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
