Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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